better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
