I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
