Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
