I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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