Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
