Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
operation have a gay friend backfired
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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