hell yes lets make some ravioli
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
