I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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