and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
