A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
