You don't have asthma, your pregnant
one two three fourrrrnication!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
