i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
