Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
