Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
