Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
