Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
