Soap is not a condiment
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
