their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
