One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
