DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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