You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
