I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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