I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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