my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
