I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i love accidental penises.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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