I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
