I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
