i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
