bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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