I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
