Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
