He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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