Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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