I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
