I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
