i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
