Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
porn star boner night. come get it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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