I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
birth control should be required to get into college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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