Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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