i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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