It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
