you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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