just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
