i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
