shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
