Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
