first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
