how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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