You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
