i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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