Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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