Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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