guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
