I hope mine doesn't look like that
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
