you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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