....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
