She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
