I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
