You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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