no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
