I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
