I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
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We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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