meet me or not, i'm out of control
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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