Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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