I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
