He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
