my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
