i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
