So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
