Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
