she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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