hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
