plz talk dirty to me
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
