I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize