I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
