Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize